Without going into too much detail, I did not have the best day yesterday. This morning, I was angry knowing I was going to have to go back to things that were causing me grief and wasn’t sure if I’d be able to handle it. It was at this moment I decided to stop watching videos on my phone, and draw.
I was just super angry. I could not stop being angry.
It was at this moment that I decided that I realized that this anger was doing nothing for me except killing my blood vessles. I wasn’t facing the source of my anger, I was just dreading it. I had this time to do whatever I wanted to do, and I was wasting good thought and emotion energy on being angry.
I decided the best thing to do was to turn on a video about Marcus Aurelius- the master at helping you stop wasting your energy on stupid useless wastes of time- and be better! A better Roman. Or, if you’re not an ancient Roman, a better version of you.
While drawing Bouguereau’s “Head of an Angel” which, by the way, had the face of absolute serenity, and just what I needed at this time”
It’s really quite remarkable how drawing really helps organize your brain. Particularly with such calming subject matter.
It was at this moment the video I was listening to said “1. Be Grateful” as Marcus Aurelius began his journal with a list of the people in his life that he felt grateful for. Now, being grateful doesn’t mean trying to ignore the things in your life that are making it unbearable, but it’s definitely a good start to build yourself up first, then figure out what you could be doing to make your situation- and the situation of everyone around you- better.
In order to make your life better, it doesn’t hurt to remember the things that remind you that life isn’t so bad.
Things that I’m grateful for:
- A loving husband: Mr. Meyer has really helped keep me sane over these past couple of years. He’s always patient with me- especially when I’m not at my best and he goes out of his way to cheer me up. He’s always grateful every time I do things for him and one of the reasons I can’t wait for work to be over is that I get to go him and he’s there.
- What I’ve accomplished so far. When you’re constantly in the presence of someone who needs to put others down because he’s (or she) so pathetic they have to tear others down to make themselves feel better- it’s really easy to feel like you are nothing. But you’re not nothing. You’ve probably accomplished many things that have already made you an interesting person thus far! When I’m feeling badly about myself, I try to remember that I’ve gotten up early so many times so that I can make art before going to work. I’ve lived in Italy to study art conservation (meaning I’ve TOUCHED ancient pieces of art). I’ve also volunteered, been there for others who needed someone to talk to, and I consider myself a decent human being. Heck, even this year, in the face of many sabotage efforts by one of my colleagues, I gave a speech in front of about 200 people inspiring others about the beauty of art and trees! Which actually teaches me that just because someone is jealous and is trying to sabotage something good about what you’re doing, you shouldn’t let them. Screw that guy. He’s pathetic.
- For Coffee. This morning Coffee with Art has really been something to look forward to. There’s such a cheerfulness that comes with dedicating some time in the morning before the day starts while happily sipping some coffee.
- Christmas. I love Christmas! I’m almost thirty, and it still has that same wonder and magic. And yes, I even enjoy the stressful parts of Christmas like shopping for gifts! Christmas has always been something special to me!
- That I’m alive. Now, this does seem like a cop-out, but hear me out. Life is filled with so many opportunities that we don’t take advantage of because of the various excuses we make for ourselves. The fact that I’m alive today means that I can do small things today to help improve my life in ways that aren’t immediate. There are many things I have that I know if I didn’t have them, I would wish I did. Yeah, there are jerks in this world, but who cares? The best thing to do is to master yourself and just see them for what they are: pathetic, sniveling, ungrateful, spiteful, jealous mice that, if you really think about it, don’t impact you. Best thing to do is not be like them.
It was at this moment I realized, I’m not angry anymore. My patience is going to be tested today, I’m going to need to excuse myself and take walks when my blood starts boiling, I’m going to have moments where I become too angry to think, but I had a good morning, I’m going to have a good evening, and then… Christmas break starts, and it’s going to be wonderful.